LMR: Massacring Valentine’s (HHC Magazine)

With this being the February issue it would be remiss of me to not rant on some Valentines shit and I know a hairy, ignant fat man might not normally be your go to guy when it comes to advice on affairs of the heart but I’ve been unfortunate enough to have mine tainted by the odd succubus and it has to be said, of late, my gash game is impeccable (apologies to my man size brothers and whoever else’s share i must be taking) So with that in mind, look past the fact you probably think your macking harder and accept some pointers. For the Ladies its simple, no matter how crass it may sound, forget cards, don’t waste your time with romance, just suck a dick, not like normal, but like the antidotes in it, let the freak out for the night and he’ll love you, or at least feel obliged to say it ! For the “man dem” pimping is harder. You might think some grand gesture of huge bouquets of flowers or expensive restaurants is what she wants, you may be right, but if it is, she’s high maintenance and you should tell daddy’s little princess to fuck right off !! If she’s a keeper then she’ll appreciate attention to detail ! So in the run up to the day (Feb 14th for those who fuck up) pay attention to more than her chesticles and buy something cheap that’s related to something she’s said (childhood memories are an easy score) and cook for her or order in, again if she bitches tell baby girl to take her ungrateful ass to the bank and SHE can take YOU out !! If you get the gift n meal right you’ll save mad coinage and still look a proper bad man romantic !!.. Now this is basic guide due to word limit so think for yourself fuck nuts and when the advice pays off, think of me while bumping uglies on V Day.. (No Peado !!) Class dismissed. Now fuck off piss off.